INTERVIEW WITH LONE STARR OF SPACEBALLS


R-_Lone Starr? L o n e Staahar?

L-_Uh?

R-_Hi Lone Starr!  I am the Reporter!  The same who has interviewed Lord Helmet,
the utterly divine one!

L-_Helmet? I like him! Yup, we always play lego together...

R-_Lego?  C'mon Lone starr, he is mean, he is Lord, he doesn't play childish
games!

L-_Ehi! Lego is not for children! Lego is for coders!

R-_Oops, yes, sorry, of course... by the way, how old are you?

L- Nine, almost eleven.

R-_Ugh, well, you are really a good coder, when have you learnt to code?

L-_Yum, Yop, sure, I code.

R-_Yes, but when did you start to code?

L-_Yawn, yesterday.

R-_C'mon!  Don't joke with me!  How much have you took to code "State of the
art"?

L-_Yumma gumma, mumble rumble...  about an hour.  Forty minutes to decide the
colors of the credits.

R-_Blurp. Listen Lone Starr this is a serious interview, it's going to be
published on a serious mag, I am a serious guy and life is full of hard, serious
things.  What about giving serious answers?

L-_Yep, sorry daddy, I am serious now.

R-_Thank you, RAW can't publish silly interviews...

L-_RAW? Ahahaha, yamma yamma gumma umma...

R-_Ehi! What's so bad in RAW?

L-_RAW?  Hihihi, Helmet always talk me about it when we play lego...  he says
that he makes it to raise money to buy the Lust Space Station Lego Kit.  Do you
know the Lust Space Station Lego Kit?  It's really big, it has Venusian Green
Lego Porno Stars too!

R-_Wow! Really? Can you even remove their clothes???!!

L-_Sure you can!  You can also make strange things with them and the Blue
Martian Big Jims!

R-_Yeah!  I gotta take note of that!  Well...erm...  we can come back to our
interview now...

L-_Yup, tell me all my mate.

R-_What are you going to buy with the money you won at the Party II?

L-_Well, glug glug glug, I think I will buy a sub kit and a new transformable
robot...  my Barbie fells a bit alone these days...

R-_Oh! Really? Why?

L-_Well, you know, I am growing... my stick doesn't fit into her any more...

R-_Gulp.  Well, erm...  you know....  I didn't know that children nowadays were
that ...  uhm...  active.

L-_There are many things you have to know, my son.

R-_????  Yes, well, I mean, I got problems to figure out the exact location of
the penetration hole in a female human being...

L-_Wanna learn?  There is my sister around, she is quite experienced, she is
almost twelve...

R-_No!  No!  Thanks...  we better go on with the questions...  Who is the girl
who dances in your demo?

L-_Oh c'mon, she is not a girl, don't tell me you haven't noticed it!

R-_Me?  Girl not?  Well, sure I noticed that, I mean, I am not born yesterday,
she is not a real girl...  I mean, maybe she is a girl, but she is not real...

L-_Nop nop nop, reporter, you are on the wrong way.  She is me.  I danced in
front of a mirror for some minutes and while dancing I memorized my positions
and I calculated the coordinates of all the points of the shape.
I made at the same time a little manipulation on the data, you know I had to
show a figure that seemed female, I changed her forms a bit.

R-_Impressive... and what did you do after?

L-_I played with my lego.

R-_Yes, but I was talking about the demo, how did you continue?

L-_Well, I phoned to my friend Travolta and I told him to make a techno song, he
is a bit lazy, he made it in more than fifty minutes, then I called the
graphician and we decided the design directly at the phone.  After that I just
had to add few lines of code.

R-_You seem very fast with coding, how do you do?

L-_It's just a necessity, less time for coding, more time for legoing.

R-_What do you think about the Skid Row fix of your demo?

L-_Oh, that has been a nasty move!  I made an anti-fix, yep, there should be
around anti-fixed versions of our demo which crash on ALL the computers!  So the
Skid Row nerds are fooled.

R-_Spaceballs seem quite an original group, where do you get your ideas from?

L-_Well, you know, it depends...  sometimes I get inspiration from Herman Hesse
works, other times my way of considering things is a result of the study of
Hegel's philosophy with a scientific eye, which can somehow have its roots in
Popper's views.  All in all, I read Donald Duck and inspiration fills my mind.

R-_You won the first prize also at the Gathering '92 party with "Wayfarer", what
do you think about that demo?  Has it been important for you?

L-_The idea under Wayfarer comes from the movie "The hard flying porno sisters",
a real masterpiece, acclaimed by critics of the whole planet.  It has been
important to collect the cash of the first prize and the whole collection of
Barbies of Helmet for the RAW advertisement.

R-_Err... what have you done to the Barbies after having seen that film???

L-_Well, you know, there wasn't much left to do, Lord Helmet had already done
everything with them...

R-_Bad luck! I thought there could remain some space for me too...

L-_Ehi!  Don't worry!  You have just to ask and I call my sister...  Ilona?
Ilonaaaa?

R-_No!  Stop!  Please, close your juvenile mouth, I don't want to make things
with your 12 years old sister...

L-_12 years old? No, she is another one!

R-_Uh? Really? Well, in this case...

L-_Yep, she is quite shy with men but when she get horny...

R-_Erm... well... how old is she?

L-_Nine, almost eight.




R-_Aaargh!  Too old!  Better to go on with the questions...  how is your average
day?

L-_Well, I wake up in the afternoon, I play with lego for some hours and I have
my dinner, then I code for some minutes to digest better, after that I play with
lego till midnight.  After midnight I start to play with Barbie.  When it's
about 4 or 5 am I go to sleep.  But it's not always like that, sometimes I don't
code after dinner.

R-_It seems that you have only lego in your mind...

L-_Mumble mumble... bitte fitte... what's so bad in that?

R-_Fitte? Am I wrong or that word in norwegian has some odd meaning?

L-_Fitte? Uhm, I dunno, have I to ask to my sisters?

R-_Erm, something whispers in my ears that it's better to change topic...  what
is your favorite demo group?

L-_Melon Dezign for sure.

R-_Good choice. Why?

L-_I like their graphic, it's just as good as if it were made by me...

R-_Yes, but Melon Dezign have not just a own graphical style...

L-_Of course not! They have also made the Tetris intro! I love Tetris!

R-_Really? Well, at least is something different from lego!

L-_Are you really sure of that?

R-_Ugh, better to change topic again, what is a cool guy according to you?

L-_Well, there are many aspects to consider, you have to consider his spatial
logic, his morphologic conception, his chromatic sensibility and his projecting
ability.  There are many things to ponder when building with Lego.

R-_What will you do when you are a man?

L-_I think I will invent a new kind of spaceship which can fly up to the
Jupiter's satellites.  I have already made the project, it works perfectly, the
engines work with atomic fusion and the materials are quite cheap and easy to
find.

R-_Really? And what is this cheap material?

L-_Lego, of course.

R-_Of course.

L-_Of course I will personally take care of the building of the machine, that's
the funniest part.

R-_Of course. And what about the pilots? Made of lego too?

L-_Nop, they will be members of Spaceballs.

R-_Really? Are you all in the group going to become astronauts?

L-_Sure, we have got the balls for the space.

R-_That's sure.  You have the balls for everything, for example, you even did
the intro of this issue of RAW.  That's an impressive sign of friendship!
Congratulations!

L-_If you call friendship the whole collection of Big Jims of Helmet...

R-_Lord's world famous Big Jim collection???

L-_Yep and it was not in good conditions too! You know, like with Barbie,
Helmet has made with them some perv...

R-_Stop it!  Shut up!  Don't move!  A word more and this interview won't be
published at all!

L-_Hehe, Helmet knows how to scare people...

R-_Anyway, back to our enlightened interview, what are your favorite books?

L-_Well, first of all the bible of every good Legoman:  "Advanced Lego

Production Management and Building Techniques Overview" and, of course, its
follow-up "Lego:  a world in your hands".  I like also the very informative "Big
Jim and Barbie at the brothel".

R-_Uhm, there are too many sexual allusions in this interview, I don't like it,
better to finish all here.  I am a good, serious guy and this article is going
to be published on a good, serious mag.  I have to go to my adult's affairs,
Lone Starr, good bye.  Would you like to add the final words?

L-_Yes. Hand back the doll you have just stolen from me, thank you.