INTERVIEW WITH AZATOTH/PHENOMENA

I somehow materialized into an empty, warm, white room.
The walls were white, the table white, the two plastic seats white, the bed
white with white sheets.  There wasn't anything else, except a white guy in
white dresses.
He was Azatoth himself and it made me feel not at my ease meeting him in a
mental hospital.
I sat down, I stared his deep white eyes and I wondered if I was in Albinlandia.

Interviewer: Hallo Azatoth!
Azatoth: Phenomena *Looks like an idiot*
I: Phenomena? Yes, yes, we know that you were a member of Phenomena...
A: Azatoth/Phenomena, that's my name. *Still looks like an idiot*
I: Oh.  Yes.  Sorry.  You know, it's a big day for me and the scene...  finally
we can know what's happened to you...
*Doesn't talk, time passes while he stares his hands as if it were the first
time he sees them*
I: Err... tell me, Azatoth, what are you doing in a white room of an asylum?
A: Phenomena *Seems definitively an idiot*
I: Oops, sorry, Azatoth/Phenomena, so what are you doing here?
A: White is colour. Colours are white.
I: Really? That's great! Very interesting. Are you coding something?
A: A public domain raytracer, a vector game and two demos.  *His speech is
always dull, lifeless, slow*
I: Uhm, you actually wrote the same thing in you Enigma demo, but anyway, this
is a remarkable new information for the most informative mag of the scene!
(Rough Ankward Writings) But tell me, where is the computer you code on?
*Looks me as if I were an idiot, he points the empty table*
A: Here.
I: Here? Wellll, actually it should be a very -micro- computer eh?
A: Yes, a sign of progress, a bottle to forget, a joint to understand.
I: Ya, seem so...  You know, Azatoth/Phenomena, you are one of the most popular
guy in the scene even if nobody has heard news from you for a long time and even
if Enigma is your only big work.
A: The scene is a madness lake, a superficial ocean, a foolness river.
I: Ugh, yes, but how do you explain all this?  Is enough a demo to obtain such
popularity?
A: Well, if in the same demo you write that you're going to make soon a dozen
of other big things, maybe the people can get impressed...
I: That's a real skilled promotion move!  Compared to it the marketing behind
Risk A Wrest is like a flea scratching an eagle
A: Enigma was made in a year.  I like fleas smashed on the windscreen.  They
taste well.  Also a white coke tastes well.  Maybe better.
I: Really?  Your logic impresses me, but you are good in impressing people, you
know, you have impressed the scene with the writing in the credits "Coding and
mathematics by Azatoth".  That "mathematics" sounded impressive.
A: Impressive speech.
I: Was it another promotion move?
A: I like pizza and coke, but without lemon, I don't like coke with lemon, I
like coke without lemon.
I: Ohh... er.... yes? Uhm, is this a polemic with the group Lemon point?
A: Lemon point?  Times change, indeed.  There weren't such silly group names in
the old times.
I: Well, Phenomena is a funny name of the ancient times...
A: Are you joking? I'm not that old.
I: Haha, did you develop your sense of humor while coding Enigma? *Sarcastic*
A: There is an hidden part in Enigma by Azatoth/Phenomena.
I: Wow! Really? That's an exclusive scoop! How can we see it?
A: Boot the disk, press the left mouse button and sing a song.
I: Uhm... which song?
A: It depends. There is a different hidden part for every different song you
sing.
I: Ehi! That's too much, I don't believe you!
A: Really?  Well, I tried to cheat you...  maybe my promotion and marketing
abilities are not of the best anymore.  I must eat more fleas.
I: C'mon! You are still good after all...
A: Yes, I am still the mighty God who made the impossible star wars scroller.
I: Well, Chaos of Sanity made a better star wars scroller!
A: Chaos of Sanity? Who is this one?
I: Well, another guy who thinks to be God...
A: He is a fake. His star wars scroller stinks.
I: Well, it scrolls four bitplanes...
A: A star wars scroller is enough to give divinity only to few elected.
I: Yep, do you think I can be a God too?
A: Can you code a star wars scroller?
I: Well, maybe in basic...
A: Lame, you are not a God.
I: Well, I tried.
A: But you failed.
I: Ok! There's no need to repeat that! *Almost irritated*
A: Yes, but you aren't still a God.
I: I think I can survive the same. *Irritated*
A: If you think so... you know, to be God is funny sometimes.
I: Yes yes I can believe you, but not let's skip to some other questions...
*Very irritated*
A: Right. Though it could have been nice for you to be God.
I: Sure!! Cazzo, my project was to be God, bad luck that I failed.
A: Sure, you can't code star wars scrollers.
I: OK! I've understood that! But now! You Might God! Tell me! Why you have
stopped! Your scene activities!? *Almost furious*
A: Once you reach perfection, it's useless to try to do better. You know, I am
God after all, bad luck that you aren't.
I: Listen God, I think I can dare to say that I have understood your point about
me, God and the heroes of the sky... *Calm*
A: Phenomena.
I: Phenomena???
A: I am God/Phenomena.
I: Weren't you Azatoth/Phenomena five minutes ago? *Surprised*
A: You are wrong, I am right, the sun still shines bright.
I: You know, sometimes I find problems in understanding your logical processes,
maybe there's actually a reason if you are in an asylum... *Sarcastic*
A: Yesterday I bought a math co-processor.
I: Oh. And where is it?
A: I have plugged it behind the right ear, now I can calculate my maths better.
I: Tell me something more about your exclusive mathematics...
A: It's something totally revolutionary and brilliant. I have decided that
numbers don't exist and all my calculations are made with.
I: With?
A: With? Are you insane?
I: You were saying that your calculations are not made with numbers but with
something else, but you haven't said what else...
A: I don't remember such words, are you trying to pull my legs?
I: Noo! I just wanted to say that you were...
A: Ehi! Are you insulting me???
I: Nooo! I hadn't any bad intenti...
A: BEWARE! Nobody can joke with me!
I: Ok Ok I just wanted to...
A: Why have you interrupted yourself?
I: But YOU have interrupted me!
A: You must be mad.
I: Aargh!
A: You see, you have even speech problems...
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I: Cazzo!
A: Are you talking martian? Please try to be a serious interviewer, make me
clever questions.
I: Well, ok, I can try... What do you think about the new A1200?
A: Nice, I made it.
I: C'mon! That's impossible!
A: I am God, you are not. I can do.
I: You can too?
A: Too?
I: You know, there's a billion or so of guys in the scene who think to be God
and to be able to do everything.
A: Have all they made a star wars scroller?
I: Wellll, maybe not...
A: Then they aren't Gods.
I: Yes, yes... Is it true that you got the inspiration for the rotating cube
from a swedish TV program?
A: Of course not, just another marketing move.
I: Really? Really genial! From where did you get the idea then?
A: From a german TV program.
I: Ah.
A: Do you like it?
I: Yes.
A: Do you like my bedroom?
I: Err... yes...
A: I like all these colors...
I: Ugh... actually I don't see so many colors... it's all so white...
A: White? Is it white that bed for you???
I: Well, yes... I mean... not ALL white... maybe there is a little light grey
smear near the pillow... *Lie*
A: You must be crazy. By the way, are you interviewing me for Zine?
I: Errr... not exactly, it's for another diskmag...
A: What??? No Zine??? That's lame!
I: Well, this mag is not that bad, it's called Really Amazing Wrack!
A: I don't like it.
I: How possible? You still haven't seen it!
A: I don't like it the same, Zine is better.
I: Well, Zine is dead now.
A: No!
I: Yes, that's the purest truth, I've read it on Rudimentary Artistic Ware, so
it must be true.
A: I can't believe that. I created Zine.
I: Oh, c'mon! Zine was made by Brainstorm!
A: Who told you that?
I: Brainstorm! Ugh... well, yes, Brainstorm...
A: So why should you believe them and not me?
I: Well, even if sometimes Revolutionary Article Work doesn't agree,
Brainstorm is always Brainstorm...
A: Really? Do they make star wars scrollers?
I: Errr... yesss... I think so. *Lie*
A: Bad luck, then they made Zine instead of me...
I: Phew, good that you admitted it, I was already figuring SOME diskmags
editors revealing the exclusive, revolutionary news that Zine wasn't made by
Brainstorm and therefore that Brainstorm had cheated the whole scene...
A: And Patsy? Where is Patsy? I am in love with her.
I: Well... er... actually Patsy was a joke, she has never existed...
A: What??? Are you joking? I wanted to dedicate her my next demo!
I: Really? What's its name?
A: A little nice name: "When I saw you the first time, my lovely beautiful
Patsy, I touched the moon with the fingers and made a real time z-axis rotation"
I: Is this the name?
A: Yes, do you like it?
I: Well, maybe a bit too prolix, not too much, anyway.
A: Yes, maybe you're right, I should write "Pat" instead of the whole "Patsy"...
I: Well, anyway you're too late, she doesn't exist.
A: I can always create her, I have made a star wars scroller after all.
I: Can you really do such a thing?
A: Of course, I am Azatoth/Phenomena!
I: Weren't you God/Phenomena?
A: What? Are you mad?
I: So you are not God/Phenomena!
A: Of course I am not!
I: So you can't make miracles! You can create Patsy and you can't be the maker
of A1200!
A: Of course I can't! What do you think I am? A God???
I: Well, sorry... you know, this work for Rather Acrid Wars is stressing me...
A: That's why this interview is so crap!
I: Of course!
A: What about asking something interesting and original?
I: Sure, take this one then, I even wrote it down before: What do you think
about some other coders?
A: Who?
I: Hornet of Alcatraz?
A: What's that?
I: A coder, he made Odyssey!
A: Has it star wars scrollers?
I: No.
A: Then I don't know him. What hour is it?
I: I don't know, sorry.
A: Thank you, it's just the hour to see TV.
I: Ah, but where is the TV set?
A: There! *Points the blank, white, empty wall*
I: Oh, sorry, I thought it was a refrigerator...
A: No, I don't need refrigerators, to cool things I just blow on them.
I: Yes, but if these things are colder than your body temperature you don't
cool them just blowing...
A: False.
I: False?
A: Truly false. Anyway I can blow hard sometimes... *Blows hard*
I: I see.
A: Do you have eyes instead of the nose???
I: Yes, my mother has made some minor mistakes with me...
A: Take it easy man, once upon a time I saw a dog with four heads and one leg:
you're luckier than him.
I: Thank you. *Relieved*
A: Well, TV is awaiting me. I have to go. Bye. *Leaves the cell and locks the
door*
I: Ehi! There is something wrong in this interview's end! Uhm... maybe you've
forgotten the final words? *Bewildered*
A: Oh, yes. The bed is not so comfortable, but the rest is ok, don't worry,
it won't be bad! *Waves goodbye smiling with a clever look*
I: Thank you! *Confused like a total demented and locked in Azatoth's cell*

Macno/Abnormalia