'Holly Does Hollywood' ? 'Wilma Does Stuttgart'? Nope. It's 'Crusaders 
Does Genesis' !! All music composed by Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, Steve 
Hackett and Phil Collins. All Amiga conversions by Dr.Awesome. Code and 
graphics by Switchblade. Additional graphics handling by Rusc and Zeb. 
Yessir! It's that time again - time for some fun, for silly jokes and the odd
 Amiga tune..! It's those fargin Crusaders again, this time with a very very 
special kind of music disk. Before anything else, let's give a big hand to 
our latest members... ladies and gentlemen:  M a d m a n the new Coder from 
Kristiansand Norway... (applause now) and our other fresh member: E N O , a 
coder from Oslo, Norway.... WHEEEE!! Welcome fellas! Wheeee! Listen, this is 
quite a long scroller coming up, so if you're planning to read all of it 
(absolutely NOT recommended), sit right back, make yourself comfortable, go 
get a coke from the fridge, light up a fag, and relax! Well ok, about this 
music disk - once again we have gone where no other groups have gone before 
us, once again we have done something completely new - it's the 'Crusaders 
does Genesis' music disk!! Consisting ONLY of converted Genesis tunes, this 
music disk is of course especially made for Genesis fans! If you don't like 
Genesis, you won't like this disk, so you might as well just erase it now... 
On the other hand, if you're a fan of old and new Genesis tunes, you will 
learn to love this disk like you love the band itself! Dr.Awesome has, during
 the last few months, converted all these Genesis tunes to the Amiga. Some of
 the songs are new, some are old, some are well known, some are only known to
 the REAL Genesis fans. The point is that they're all Genesis songs, no one 
before us have ever made a music disk using a concept like this. We assume 
there will be more of it in the future, now that we have once again blazed a 
trail for others to follow. For instance, who will do the '?????? does Pink 
Floyd' music disk? Who will do the '??????? does Michael Jackson'. Who will 
do '?????? does Technotronic'? Well allright, I know you all are expecting 
some jokes to appear in this scroller, so I guess I might as well give you 
the first one now... Ladies and Gentlemen - today's first joke! ---> Two old 
friends, Harold and Bill, were sitting in a pub talking about the old days 
etc. After a while, Bill says: 'You know, old friend - there's something I 
still haven't told you after all these years. I only have one eye.'. 'Sure', 
says Harold, 'Do you think I'm stupid or something? I'm looking at you right 
now, and I see two eyes! I'm willing to bet you 100 quid, that you have 2 
eyes!'. 'Fine!' says Bill, and picks out one of his eyes, which turns out to 
be a glass eye! 'I'll be damned' says Harold, 'Shit man here's your 100 
quid..'. Bill takes the money and says: 'You know, there's one more thing, 
that I haven't told you.. I only have one ear!'. Harold laughs out loud and 
says: 'Yeah sure. I'll bet you another 100 quid that you have 2 ears, cos I'm
 looking at both your ears right now!'. 'Fine' says Bill, and rips off one of
 his ears, which turns out to be a plastic ear!! 'Shite allmighty - well here
 are your other 100 quid. Fuck - I've lost 200 quid tonight!'. Bill looks at 
Harold for a while, and says: 'Well I'll give you a chance to win them back. 
I'll bet you 200 quid that I only have one testicle!'. Harold thinks it over 
and says that's ok for him - his old time friend - only one testicle? No way!
 So the bet is on. Now, Bill didn't want to take off his clothes and show 
anyone his testicle(s) in the middle of a crowded pub, so he says 'We gotta 
go somewhere quiet, so I can show you that I only have one testicle. Meet me 
at 3:30 tomorrow morning in Hyde park, and I'll show you.' Harold agrees, and
 at 3:30 the next morning Harold and Bill meets in Hyde park to settle this 
rather strange bet. Does Bill have one testicle, or does he have two? He 
still doesn't want to pull down his pants or anything, so he tells Harold to 
come and feel it for himself. So he does - Harold puts his hand down Bill's 
pants, and feels his testicles. 'Hey! You DO have 2 testicles! I I knew it! I
 won! Give me my 200 quid!'. 'Fair enough', says Bill, 'I've made a 1000 bet 
with your wife, standing behind that tree, that I'd get you to rub my balls 
at 3:30 in the morning - in the middle of Hyde Park...' That's it... the 
tragic story of Harold and Bill.. and Harold's wife ... and Bill's balls... 
Right, well I think it's time for some helloes to a few nerds, before we go 
on to the next joke. In no particlular order, we send HI-HOE's to Brainstorm 
(Alex and Chester), Brian Postma and Seb Lentfert (The Timecircle fellas), 
Anarchy (Raistlin and Mole), Network (Joker), Johannes Norrmann, Martyn, Vad 
and Andy, Sector 4 (Heatbeat), Allister Brimble, Tama of Cycron, Amiga 
Freelancers (Zap, Quantarc and The Moose and The Mad Martian), Triumph 
(Wiseguy), Reaktor (Marc Panther), Ecstacy (Big Al and Havok), Ron Fonteine, 
Cannonball Express (Grant 'Isepic') Nukebusters (Blair 'Access II'), Vectors 
(Human Factor), Miranda (Devastator), Abusive (Mr.Techno), former Prime 
Minister Jan P. Syse, and all the rest of the Amiga world!! And of course a 
little special hello to Monotof of Storm, who sent us a nice, cool letter. 
And we didn't think the Storm guys were able to say anything more than 'The 
Fucking Best'. Well they obviously are - thanks Monotof, for showing us that 
even Storm have real Amiga freaks for members and they can be quite ok! Now, 
are we getting ready for joke number 2 ? We are? All right - here we go... 
no, wait - by the way, did you know that the one and only fabulous Official 
Crusaders EuroChart now comes with a separate jokes section with loads of 
cool jokes for every release...? You didn't? Well now you do. In addition to 
the EuroChart, you now get the fantastic new section 'EuroNews' with the 
HOTTEST news from the scene, and another section called 'The Gallery', 
stuffed full of pictures of the coolest guys from the scene!! Reet- o - 
here's another joke for you.. No wait a minute... did you know that this disk
 was released at the same time as another Crusaders music disk? The other one
 is called 'Mi-Cro Con-Cept' and will include 7 songs by Fleshbrain and 
Dr.Awesome, neat graphics by Rusc and Bustman, and some nifty coding by 
Dr.Claw. So contact your local, greedy, lousy, selfish, rip-off PD company 
today and give your money to them for a copy of our music disk, so that they 
may live happily on our work! While we're at it, I might as well mention that
 we are also planning an adventure game, of the good old-fashioned kind, with
 text input etc. and of course a few demoes just around the corner. Well, 
should we get on with the joke then? Here we go.. (This is a good one!) ... A
 guy entered a bar he'd never been to before. He noticed a monkey sitting by 
the bar, but didn't think much about it, he just wanted a beer, so he ordered
 one. The monkey kept looking at guy, and when he got his beer, the monkey 
seemed very interested in the beer - he kept staring at it. After a while, to
 the man's utter surprise, the monkey suddenly pulled out it's willie and 
urinated in the beer! The guy got furious of course, and asked the bartender 
who owned this godforsaken monkey.. 'The piano player owns him, he's over 
there playing right now.' the bartender says. The guy walks up to the piano 
player and says 'Hey, do you know your monkey just pissed in my beer ??!'. 
'No', says the pianoplayer, 'But if you hum a few bars, I can fake it!' .....
 great one, eh? This joke will also turn up in the next EuroChart - check the
 'jokes' section!! Following now is a little story from the latest Crusaders 
internal meeting/party held at Rusc's place last week... Lazerbrain and 
Dr.Awesome were the first ones to arrive (except Rusc of course - he'd been 
there all the time, because he lives there... silly!) Lazerbrain had brought 
with him today's warez from the Po.Box, so we checked out a few new demos etc.
 while waiting for the other guys, and after about 1/2 hour, Dr.Outtasight and
 El Cubo appeared. We got out Rusc's video camera and started to film some 
GREAT sequences, like El Cubo taking a bath in EuroChart votes - we were of 
course planning to digitize a picture from the video and use it in the next 
EuroChart.. Another sequence showed Dr.Awesome taking a vote-shower. Some 
other great takes were made as well, and we had a hell job cleaning up the 
place afterwards - there were vote sheets, vote sheets and more vote sheets...
 wall-2-wall votes... Well, a few days later we noticed that all the film 
sequences were unuseable for digitizing, because they were too dark. So all 
the bathing and showering and filming was all a waste of time... Never mind, 
well we started drinking a bit - El Cubo hadn't brought any beer, so he had to
 go out and buy some, and get back in a hurry... Switchblade, Copper and 
Zuggly showed up in the meantime. After a few hours of talking bullshit, we got
 hungry, so we ordered some pizzas, which Copper and Zuggly went to pick up. 
The pizza was really tasty, but the problems showed up when it was time to pay 
for them. There were 7 guys who'd been eating pizza, and the total cost of the 
pizza's were about 380-something Norwegian Kroner. How much was that on each of
 us??? Some of the more mathematical guys started trying to figure it out. Most
 of us didn't even try - after a few beers etc, maths isn't my strongest 
point!! (Come to think of it, maths is never my strongest point...) Anyway, so 
after a lot of discussion, we decided to code a program that would calculate it
 for us, a specially designed Pizza Calculating program. El Cubo and 
Switchblade started coding immediately, and after 20 minutes we had 'PizzaCalc 
v.1.0' ready!! We were thinking of getting it released as commercial software 
and making loadsamoney on it. We could compete with Lotus 123 and MasterCalc 
etc. The marketing possibilities would be fantastic - just think how many pizza
 eaters there are in the world!!! If every pizza eater in the whole world 
bought their own copy of PizzaCalc - we'd all be mega-millionaires!! Sadly, as 
things went, PizzaCalc was released as PD, or rather 'PizzaWare'. That means 
YOU have the chance to use this fab program without paying so much as a penny. 
So get calculating, while you're waiting for 'The Pizza Composer' v.1.0 - 
another great pizza-utility we're planning! Ok, so we quite happily payed for 
the pizza and continued our much successful evening of cruising... Lazerbrain 
posed for the camera in some raaaaaather sexy positions (the tape can be bought
 from the Crusaders HQ for an amount to be agreed upon..), the drinks went down
 quite smoothly. El Cubo and Dr.Outtasight sodded off (as usual) to install a 
'door' on our board. Switchblade and Dr.Awesome had a few rounds of 'Lotus 
Espirit' (much to Dr.Awesome's utter success :-) , Copper and Zuggly talked 
about the demo they're supposed to be making, the demo they've been talking 
about for about 8 months, but no-one has seen anything of anyway. Maybe it will
 be released in 1996 or something.. :-) And Rusc's non-Amiga friend came to 
visit, with a big monster dog that smelled fucking DISGUSTING and kept on 
drooling on everyone. Next time I'm going to Rusc's place, I'm bringing an 
anti-dog device of some sort!! And something to hold over my nose if the 
fucking stink-bomb of a dog should turn up. Well, luckily, the fella and his 
utterly sickening beast didn't stay too long, but even after he left, it was 
easy to see that the spirit had dropped a great deal - the night was more or 
less ruined. Maybe it wasn't all that bad - we'd been partying for 10 hours or 
so (some of us anyway), maybe it was time to go home anyway... So we all went 
home, Dr.Awesome and Lazerbrain went to Dr.A's place and watched a couple of 
video films before going to bed at about 6 in the morning (but hey - what are 
weekends for?) That concluded the story of the latest Crusaders internal party 
- all in all a decent way to spend a day and a night. Just too bad those film 
sequences weren't 'digitizeable'!!! Fellas - it's sad but true - this scroller 
has to come to an end, just like everything else... and the end is closing 
in... Oh, wait a minute! I just called Dr.Outtasight, who just came back from 
London and apparently he's (finally) got hold of the 'Best of Eddie Murphy' 
video ! Wheeee! We've been looking all over for that tape for a long time now..
 it's a collection of his best stuff from the good-old days of Saturday Night 
Live etc. He also got me a giant 'Calvin and Hobbes' book, and the book that 
the game 'Neuromancer' was made after! Yippiieee! Ok, well anyway - we leave 
you with a big MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR to A L L  Amiga freaks around the 
globe. See you in the next Crusaders production - probably the EuroChart 1st of
 January 1990!!!     Scrolltext restarting ... sod off ... ...     


 .... ....YEAH!!TO CUT ALL THE USUAL INTRODUCTION BULLY I WILL JUST TELL YOU    
THAT THIS IS     A TIRED BUSTMAN AT THE LATEST NORWEGIAN  PARTY... HELD BY    
NETWORK AND SOME      OTHER DUDES.     TO SAY IT STRAIGHT AND FORWARD, THIS IS 
NOT THE BEST PARTY THAT I HAVE BEEN TO.  IN FACT, THIS IS   PROBABLY THE WORST 
PARTY I HAVE VISITEDEVER. BUT SO WHAT?!? I HAVE MET SOME OK  PARTY-POOPS, SO IT
 CAN NOT BE THAT BAD.JUST TO MENTION THISGUY CALLED SOMETHING   AS FREEKING AS 
  DR.NESEBUSE/MEGAEXPO    OR SUMMAT...     SHIT!! IF YOU WANT  TO SEE THE 
CREDITS THEN THIS IS NOT THE    RIGHT PLACE.    CREDITS WILL MORE ORLESS BE 
AVAILABLE ATANOTHER SCROLLER, SO   WHY BOTHER?!?!     HEY, JUST GOT TO   
MENTION THAT I DID  THIS CUTE CHARSET.   USE IT OR DIE!!!     SWITCHBLADE IS    
SITTING HIGH-DOPED  BESIDES ME... I AM   SURE HE WANTS TO  CONTINUE HIS WORK!!! 
TO WRITE A SPECIAL   MOMENT-RAPORT AT   THIS PARTY, I MUST SAY THAT I HAVE SOME 
 EXTREME PROBLEMS  TRYING TO STAY AWAKE AT ALL. MY HEAD IS  LIKE A BAG FULL OF  
 POTATOES, IF YOU   KNOW WHAT I MEAN!! SOME OTHER GUYS HERE  SEEM TO HAVE THE   
 SAME PROBLEMS...   BEFORE I END THIS, I WILL FART OUT SOME PARTY-GREETINGS TO  
SOME OF MY MATES I     TALKED TO...    A HI TO FLUSH OF PMC THAT I EXCHANGED A 
BUNCH OF WORDS WITH. A HI TO THE GENIUS  OF NO LIMITS. NICE  CHATTING WITH YOU.
 HELLO TO ALL MEMBERS OF CRUSADERS, NICE  MEETING ALL OF YOU     AGAIN TOO...  
  OK, NOW I GOT TO END THIS PIECE OF SHIT BECOZ SWITCHBLADE IS   REALLY LONGING
   TO CONTINUE THE CODE   OF THIS DISK!!     SO LONG DUDES...