$VER: Chip'O'Matic 3.0 (7.6.94)
Chip'O'Matic
PROGDIR:CoM-No3
Chip'O'Matic Issue #3
This demo requires Kickstart v2.04+ (V37) to run.
Consider to update your operating system!!
Chip'O'Matic:
Chip'O'Matic Interrupt
Chip'O'Matic SoftInt
AT SCHOOL LOXLEY/EQUINOX 40540168 171:02
JUST DREAMING 3 EXCALIBUR/COMPLEX 2026416127 2:03
GOSH MY FOOT SMELLS SPIROU/SENSELESS DESAJN7194 124 121:01
MILKSHAKE DELUXE SPIROU/SENSELESS DESAJN168201811131:32
CRACKING EGG SHAM/SQUASH 10920106 8 0:42
TROUBLE TAJM SHAM/SQUASH 101826 3 6 0:46
SOCRATIC HAZE DEETROY/DOODLES^SHOCK 9622 9 8 4 1:48
SCREWER DEETROY/DOODLES^SHOCK 120928 8 8 0:51
SELECT MODULE:
AT SCHOOL
JUST DREAMING 3
GOSH MY FOOT SMEELS
MILKSHAKE DELUXE
CRACKING EGG
TROUBLE TAJM
SOCRATIC HAZE
SCREWER
MODULE INFORMATION: NAME: .......................
AUTHOR: .......................
SIZE: ..... BYTES
PATTERNS: ..
SAMPLES: ..
LENGTH: .:.. MIN.
POSITIONS: ..
THE DOODLES^SHOCK PRESENTS:
---------------------------
C H I P ' O ' M A T I C
I S S U E # 3
---------------------------
[ RELEASE DATE : 940607 ]
CHIP'O'MATIC ISSUE #3 - CREDITS:
----------------------------------------
CODE..............................CHIG
GRAPHICS.........................BUTCH
MUSIC.............LOXLEY, SPIROU, SHAM
....................DEETROY, EXCALIBUR
----------------------------------------
COPYRIGHT 1994 DOODLES^SHOCK
--------[ HELP / INSTRUCTIONS: ]--------
UP/DOWN.......SWITCH PAGE / SELECT MOD
LEFT/RIGHT.................SWITCH TEXT
M/T......................MOD/TEXT-MENU
I.....................SHOW MODULE-INFO
C/Q.......................CREDITS/QUIT
SPACE/RMB......................ICONIFY
----------------------------------------
Select Text...
SELECT TEXT: WRITTEN BY:
=-=========================================-=
THE EDITORIAL BY.......................D-ZIRE
RELEASE AND SUBSCRIBE INFO..........THE STAFF
BLONDE JOKES - PART A.........D-ZIRE & R-CADE
BLONDE JOKES - PART B.........D-ZIRE & R-CADE
COCTAIL PARTY.........................DEETROY
THE SILENCER SAYS:...............THE SILENCER
REVIEWED - I SAY I SAY I SAY...........R-CADE
REVIEWED - THE DIVISION BELL...........D-ZIRE
REVIEWED - VALKOMMEN TILL FORORTEN.....D-ZIRE
RIDING THE BOARDS..................MONDO 2000
GREETINGS AND STUFF FROM...............R-CADE
GREETINGS AND MESSAGES FROM............D-ZIRE
GREETINGS FROM LOXLEY..................LOXLEY
LAST WORDS FROM KURT COBAIN.......KURT COBAIN
=-=========================================-=
=============================================
=============================================
THE EDITORIAL
'The personal computer market is about the same size as the
total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half
the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the
total worldwide sales of pantyhose'
- James Finke,Pres.,Commodore Int'l Ltd.(1982) -
What can I say... issue 3 here and not more than a couple
of days delayed? Well, blame it on our graphician :BUTCH!
But who can blame him... what can you do beside sit at
home with your computer when it's cloudy and cold outside?
Well it's here and I hope this issue will be better than
issue #2... we had some complains about the poor quality
of the tunes... but I got LOTS of tunes just a couple of
days after we've released it, so I hope this issue will
satisfy you dudes alot more... and if NOT... WHO CARES?
'Contrariwise', continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it
might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't,
it aint. Thats logic.' - LEWIS CARROLL
You can always send me your modules and I'll include them
on the next issue... the add is as always :
David J. Elfstrom
Markorgrand 22
826 35 Soderhamn
SWEDEN
Or just upload them at REPULSE or HYSTERIA !
signed d-Zire
RELEASE INFO - CHIP'O'MATIC
If you have sent some of your modules to us and we didn't
use em' in this issue (or didn't use them at all) don't feel
disapointed cause we've got so many chip-tunes so they might
come in some of the future issues...
Well yet another issue and we already delayed... too bad!
If you wanna be sure of getting all the future issues or
even back-issue, you can always subscribe... FOR FREE!
Just send a disk with your name and address and we'll send
you the future issues when they get released!
David J. Elfstrom
Markorgrand 22
826 35 Soderhamn
SWEDEN
The Staff
BLONDE JOKES - A
Well... here they are... lots of new blonde jokes!
E N J O Y
d-Zire & r-Cade
doodles^shock
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling
ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and 'The
Titanic'?
A: They know how many men went down on 'The Titanic'.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and
Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand
Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and
it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her
head?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
A: Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the
pool.
Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip
cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's
date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: ' I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...'
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the
floor!
Q: Why do blondes find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced
to do.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every
month?
A: Because it says right on it 'good for up to 20 pounds.'
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: 'Nice tits!'
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of
paper.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the
floor.
Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn
around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking
was a television.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The blonde!
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling
idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the '11' in '9-1-1'.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been
picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period
and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
Cheerios?
A: 'Oh look! Donut seeds!'
Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
BLONDE JOKES - B
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.
Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage
aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: Why did they call the blonde 'twinkie'?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: 'Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use
for bait?'
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M
factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?
A: She saw '911' and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ.
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a
tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the
Suez/Panama Canal?
A: One's a busy ditch.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, 'Cock'll-doodl-doooo',
while a blonde says, 'Any-cock'll-doooo.'
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket
trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a
nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, 'Aren't you done yet?'
The nympho says, 'Are you done already?'
The blonde says, 'Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling
beige.'
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: 'Is it mine?'
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel
after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker
is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What is happening when you hear varoom...screech,
varoom...screech, varoom...screech.....?
A: A blonde trying to drive through an intersection with a
flashing red light.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found
frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie
theater?
A: They went to see 'Closed for the Winter'.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the
impression in her forehead.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say 'No'.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a
Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
bosses' faces.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's
License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air?
A: She missed.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde's having a bad day.
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear, and she can't
find her pencil.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing
board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom
closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone
booth?
A: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in
common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the
priceless Ming vase?
A: 'It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt.'
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
COCTAIL PARTY
Coctail party
=============
I am now going to tell you about a small party I was to in
Lingaro outside Hudiksvall, Sweden. It wasn't any computer
related party, it was an ordinary get-as-drunk-as-possible
party. It was I (Deetroy) and my friend Tomte-dyrkaren
(Santa claus-Worshipper) that where invited to a friends
30'ieth birthday party (a real wet one). We brought 1.5
Litres of Arskogen special (Moonshine liquers) and a lot
of soda and other stuff. When we arrived, after having a
drink at Tomatens (The tomato's) place, 22.00 about 60% of
the people had gone to bed already due to that they had
been drinking too much during the day. But we didn't care!
We decided to invent some new drinks! Soon there will
follow some drink recepies but first I'll write a list of
what you might need.
CONTENTS:
Lots of Moonshine (With a distinct taste of finkel!)
Grapefruit soda, White wine (sweet), Concentrated lemon
Pure lemonade, HP sauce, Cold coffe, LeMixx tom collins mix
Concentrated Blackkurant juice, Rose-hip cream, Sugar
Club soda, Coca Cola, Lea & perrins worcestershire sauce
Instead of finkel you can try with 70% Vodka and
30% Teachers wiskey.
Lea & perrins worcestershire sauce contains:
vinegar
molasses
sugar
salt
garlic
sardelles
shallot
spices
aroma
Now for the drinks.
DRINKS
======
Domenican nuisance grog
=======================
Arskogen special
Grapefruit
White Wine
Concentrated lemon
Pure lemonade
Stomach drill
=============
50% Arskogen special
50% Grapefruit soda
Lennart Swan
============
50% Arskogen special
50% HP sauce
Shit on the dick
================
50% Arskogen special
50% Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce
The bomb of Nordanstig
======================
Arskogen special
Grapefruit
Concentrated Blackkurant juice
LeMixx Tom collins mix
Budget dirt
===========
Arskogen special
Cold coffe
Rose-hip cream
Lea & Perrins worcestershire sauce
Grapefruit
Pure lemonade
LeMixx Tom collins mix
Concentrated lemon
Concentrated Blackkurant juice
White wine and Two bits of sugar
Bergsjo Killer
==============
Arskogen special
cold coffe
Grapefruit
Concentrated Blackkurant juice
LeMixx Tom collins mix
White Wine
Pure lemonade
Coca Cola
Concentrated lemon
Club soda
Well that's all the drinks. None of them are particulary
well tasting, but then who cares as long as you are getting
drunk? If you try 'shit on the dick'. Be careful. It tastes
just the way it sounds!! Have a nice farmer coctail party.
Signed: DEETROY / Doodles ^ Shock
THE SILENCER SAYS:
The scene is lame!
Trading is Booring!
Everybody is a member of atleast 15 groups.
All Cards die after 3 hours.
Partyline stinks.
The warez are crap.
4 Channel 8 bit muzak suxx.
You get busted carding stuff.
Parties keeps getting lamer.
My mouse broke down last week.
1000- CPS suxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Diskdrives are SLOW! Bah!
Borre is a looser!
DMS from Parcon is a ripoff.
Definition of a Twit - Doesn't compute.
I have a cold.
Demo's aren't too fun anymore.
All /X tools are the same.
Coderippers (texedders) can go to hell!
The army is waiting - Major lame!
Macroman is a sad CP.
Frogman renamed to The Undertaker
Frogman changed his BBS number
Frogman doesn't wanna be hated hahah
Germans/Norweigans get busted.
Allways outta money.
Nothing's on TV.
ditditditdahdahdahditditdit
War on the Legion
Rainman renamed to D-ZOD, oops!
MACROMAN RENAMED TO MADDOG!
War Games
The Demolition In My Head
My Monitor Keeps Going Dead
Communication Breaking Down
Dead Bodys Laying All Around
BB is allmost dead.
Didadodudidado-chhhh-mipbeep-kachink
Blue Boxing RUULEZ!
This is getting booring... beep beep beep
I SAY I SAY I SAY / ERASURE
So, they have done it again! Another hit-record by Erasure
was released in the middle of May. This one, called 'I Say,
I Say, I Say' takes off where the last album 'Chorus' ended
and builds on the same kind of ingeniously easy to remember
but oh-so-hard-to-write synth-pop tunes. The production this
time is clearer, stronger and it lifts Andy Bell's voice to
places it never visited before. This may have something to
do with their change of producer from one Martyn to another.
(Phillips to Ware). But I think the main reason is the fact
that they've recorded the vocals first this time and then
built the music around it. As Vince Clarke said 'This time
there isn't a sound present that don't belong there'.
There are 10 songs in all and some of the strongest pieces
I think is the opening-track 'Take Me Back', 'Man In The
Moon', 'All Through The Years' and the final track 'Because
You're So Sweet'.
Many of the tunes opens up with just the vocals and then it
builds up adding small but significant sounds along the way.
Remove any of them and the track would be less perfect.
One song that could have been allowed a little extra time is
the song 'Miracle' which would have grown into an epic tune
where each of its parts could have stood alone as a separate
song, now it seems a bit squeezed into the 4 minutes it is.
And since the album only is about 45 minutes there sure was
room left for some experimentation...
There's even a song for all those who loved the 'hard-core'
Erasure of 'Love To Hate You' on the 'Chorus' album. This
time it's called 'Run To The Sun' and is bound to be releas-
ed as a single. Sadly so, because I think it's the weakest
tune of the whole album.
I has been almost 3 years since their last release,(I'm not
counting the 'Abba-esque' record nor the 'Pop' collection),
and I think it looks like Vince and Andy is back to teach
the world what Erasure is really about. I know they both
regrets the Abba-esque album by now, as Andy said 'It killed
everything that was Erasure and what Erasure stood for.'
'It's a great record and it was real fun to make, but it got
a bit too big.' I agree, and I hope that 'I Say I Say I Say'
will be at least as big and perhaps even bigger. It sure has
the potentials. I'll give it 9 out of 10! r-Cade
THE DIVISION BELL / PINK FLOYD
As a big fan of the OLD Pink Floyd records I really was in
X-TAZY when I first heard the single 'Take It Back'!
But somewhere in the middle I wondered 'Have they done what
most groups sometimes do? Like MEATLOAF? Squeeze more money
out of the SAME OLD STYLE AND MUSIC? Well... even if that's
the case I really DONT MIND! The album is a milestone in
in the history of an AWESOME group... P I N K F L O Y D
THE DIVISON BELL throws Pink Floyd back to the sound of the
brilliant records 'Wish You Where Here', 'The Wall' and
ofcoz 'Dark Side Of The Moon'! With awesome production by
David Gilmour and Bob Ezrin! (as on The Wall!)
The first track on the album 'Cluster One' is a bit odd but
is a REAL experience in high volume and headphones!
The highlights on the album is:
'COMING BACK TO LIFE' and 'KEEP TALKING' featuring Stephen
Hawing on 'Vocals' or should I say SPEAK-SYNTHETICS ?!
The record will reach it's highest peek on the last track
'HIGH HOPES'
'Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun'
Not ONLY because I'm a big fan of Pink Floyd will I give it
a high rating but it's a very good album with more highs
then lows... and it's not a typical 90'ties album!
No less then 8 out of 10 would be fair! d-Zire
VALKOMMEN TILL FORORTEN / THE LATIN KINGS
0 out of 10 no more no less! d-Zire
'The fault lies not with our technologies but with our
systems.' - ROGER LEVIAN
RIDING THE BOARDS
Riding the BoardzZz
A Guided Tour of the Underground
(An article taken from MONDO 2000 Issue 8)
You are going to hear the Real Voice of the kid down the
block. He's handsome, what they call clean cut. He has a
way to go before he passes the law's marginal threshold of
eighteen years, and he's been online for over two years.
You'd never guess that he can talk like this.
He starts out talking tough, and ends with high idealism
that teachers hope to generate in their kids. But his
contempt for the education that America offers him is total.
His education is taking place on the wire. He's growing up
in cyberspace, growing up literate in a text-based culture
that the kids have created for themselves. And at school,
he says, the computer illiterates are grooming him for the
car wash. Does he scare you? Very good. This is what the
best young minds are hacking from what they percive to be
present reality. And as one of the Boards tells you as you
log in: Future? No future! Listen now. - St. Jude
I dial... and at the delicious sound of the tone... punch
in the magic numbers that will permit me to make thousands
of dollors worth of calls, courtesy of my new-found host.
Another night on the line.
For me, this all started a few years back, at reform
skewl. A very good phriend introduced me to the wonderful
world of Cybercrime. He dazzled me with tales of breaking
into files of the head of the skewl and forwarding telephone
calls for Grand Central to the homes of disliked
acquaintances. Being the mischievous little fucker that I
was, and having the fortune to be blessed with a sharp mind,
I saw a golden oppertunity: to wreak havoc in a new and
intellectually stimulating way. When I obtained a computer
the following year, I had no trouble keeping myself
occupied.
The top of one of my favorite anarchist newspapers reads,
'Information Is Strength. Knowledge Is Power'-truer than
ever in what we're told is the Information Age.
Fortunately, by the time I had learned enough to be a
significant threat, I had also learned to be fairly
responsible.
As you know, the hacker-as-villain was invented by the
currupt swine in our government, and perpetuated by our
media. As most of you probably also know, the government is
full of shit. Our old buddies in office fight to keep
people over those they supposedly serve. America truly is a
melting pot - the scum rises to the top and everyone on the
bottom gets burned. But I digress...
Anyway, there are very few hackers who fit the villain
description. Those hackers who are belligerent and
destructive are generally ostracized by the rest of the HP
(Hack/Preak) community. There was a recent post on a board
by some idiot who stated that you should juice a system for
all it's worth and then crash it, destroy everything on
there. The responses he got from other hackers ranged from
insults to outright threats. Assholes like this represent a
problem not only to victims they abuse, but also to the rest
of the underground community.
That settled, we can get on with this. When you enter
the world of the computer undergound, you're going to have
to nevigate through a virtual ocean of jargon. A term which
you may not know is 'phreak.' The word is 'ph' as in phone +
freak. It comes from that ancient time of Peace, Love and
Happiness (not to mention Grass, Acid and Fellatio) known to
us as the late 60's. Everyone who was anyone back then was
some kind of freak - so we're told. Those freaks who were
fond of abusing the telephone system were Phreaks.
Probably the most famous phreak was Cap'n Crunch, who
placed a phone call around the world to himself using the
wonderful (and now obsolete for most U.S. phonelines) Blue
Box. While I'd love to tell you about Cap'n Crunch and the
phorephathers of phreaking, I'm merely going off on a
tangent. If you'd like to learn more, get yourself a copy
of 'Secrets of the Little Blue Box,' which appeared in
Esquire in 1971.
Anyway, a phreak is to phones as a hacker is to
computers. Phreaking includes breaking into and dialing out
from PBXs, tapping phones, ETF (Electronic Toll Fraud), and
most other exploratory or experimental activity involving
phonelines or phone networks.
A phreak is one who phreaks.
OK. Here are some other terms:
BBS OR BOARD - a computer Bulletin Board System. An
underground BBS is a place where members of the computer
underground can call and exchange files, as well as
infomation.
BOXING - Using a 'box.' Boxes are devices made to manipulate
the phone system. The Black Box allows anyone calling a
similarly equipped phone to avoid any charges. The Red Box
simulates the tones made by a pay phone to indicate that
money has been inserted, thus allowing unlimited phree calls
from many payphones. There is a multi-use everything box,
the Rainbow Box, which is most useful in Europe, available
from our Dutch friends.
CODEZ - Phone numbers and authorization codes allowing one
to make free phone calls by way of extenders, such as PBXs.
CODEZ KID - A term used for people who exist in the computer
inderground merely to find codes for making free calls.
They are looked down upon by real hackers and phreaks,
because of their ignorance.
CARDING - Purchasing with a fraudulent credit card.
HPCAV - An abbreviation for Hack Phreak Card Anarchy Virus,
which sums up major interests in the computer underground.
Virus, of course, refers to computer viruses and Trojan
horses. Another popular term is HP, Hack/Phreak.
PIRATE - (Also called a cracker) One who cracks the copy
protection on copyrighted software.
PBX - Private Branch Exchange, a local phone network usually
internal to a corporation. Phreakers find an access number
into a PBX, then dial an authorization code to get an
outside line, for unlimited planetwide calls, toll-phree.
SOCIAL ENGINEERING - Conning favors or infomation (such as
passwords or codes) from authorized personnel by pretending
to be a fellow employee or a hapless customer. Contrary to
popular belief, this is the way many accounts, passwords,
and other nice things sought by hackers are obtained, rather
than by brute-force hacking.
VMB - Voice Mail Box. You know what this is.
Hackers/Phreaks/codez kidz use them several ways. One, this
is a way others can contact hir, since a hacker will never
give out hir real number - that would blow hir anonymity,
the most sacred thing to any HP. Second is for codelines.
A codeline is a VMB that is run by a phreak/codez kid who
puts voice messages with news, calling card and credit card
numbers, codes, accounts on various systems, and other
current goodies.
There are several varieties of underground boards.
First, there are the HP boards. On a good HP board, one
would expect to find many HPCAV files to download. This
sort of board also supports a message base where one can
correspond with other members of the computer underground on
everything from hacking to music.
These message bases are by no means limited to the board
itself, either. There are scores of nets in exstence,
linking only a few local boards, or dozens of boards all
over the country. There are even some nets in the
underground that are international - linking underground
bulletin boards from countries all over the world.
The other main type of board you will find in the
computer underground is the Pirate or 'Warez' board. A
'Ware' is copyrighted software, and the warez boards are
centered around software collecting, cracking, cracking
groups, and related activities, with less of an emphasis on
HP. I will go into more detail about 'warez dOOdz' and
their little subculture later. Most of them are even more
ingnorant than codez kids.
Not all boards fall solely into one of those categories;
many have aspects of both. There are also boards that are
more specific than the above, like boards that deal stricly
with viruses and Trojan horses. And, while there are many
people who are interested in both HP and also like to play
games, there is an element of antipathy in the HP scene
toward people who devote all their time to getting more
games and who really don't know jack-shit about anything
else. Also, there's the hardware elitism factor.
You see, games distributed in the pirate world are often
huge - we're talking upwards of half a dozen megs a pop for
some of them. This places importance on high speed (9600bps
and up, preferably HST or dual standard) modems and
extremely obese (from a few hundred megs to up in the
gigabytes) hard drives. What has happened is that users are
restricted on the pirate boards just because of there data
rate. I know people who would be among the most productive
there, but are denied membership because they transfer files
at 2400 bps. Not only that, but it seems that any rug rat
with parents rich/stupid enough to shell out $900-$1200 for
a modem is immediately eligible for membership. This is
ridiculous. I've seen supposedly elite warez dOOdz who
can't even operate their fucking PCs without a menu-driven
shell program. Pathetic, eh? I shit you not. I think the
intelligentsia of the pirate community better do something
about this crap before it's too late.
Now, in the pirate scene and all its lameness, there is
an island of intelligence. This is the people who crack the
games. Cracking is the process of removing or defeating a
copy protect or other protection from copyrighted software.
On any decent pirate board, all the games and other software
will be cracked - most of this thanks to cracking groups who
compete with each other. This competition guarantees both a
wide variety of new games for the warez geeks and losses of
millions of dollors for the software companies who should be
getting something out of this, but don't. If you log onto
any decent pirate board, you will see captions such as '0
day warez,' which means that many of the games sold down at
your local Softdick Software store are available to pirates
as soon as or even BEFORE they are available to customers.
Heh heh, it's good to be a computer criminal, yes?
Now that I've covered the quality underground boards, I
should probably fill you in on what I refer to as the
'SubLame' scene. I call it that because in the underground,
there is elite at one end of the spectrum and there's lame
at the other. Codez kids and warez dOOdz are examples of
lameness. A great hacker who really knows his shit is
elite. Technically only the top 2 to 5% qualify as elite,
but in a real sense, elite means any high-caliber hacker.
In the SubLame scene, they don't even make it onto the
spectrum.
Picture a sublamer: you enter the room of a junior
high/high school male. Clothes and garbage hide the floor.
The walls are shingled with bullshit band posters. In one
corner of the room, you can hear the slow peck-peck of a
keyboard - the little geek has never really learned to type.
Look over there and see the back of a head of scraggly long
hair, and a neck full of pimples. You can almost see his
breath. Congratulations, you've met him in the flesh.
Lucky you.
Ofcourse this is only a stereotype. There are girls -
few and far between - even some genuinely cool people. Who
knows, there may even be some people who read MONDO and
therefore must be cool, right? I myself started out by
calling these boards, but I've evolved.
These boards are the easiest to find and get onto. There
are billions of them out there, kinda like mosquitoes. They
are generally put up by some local kid without much to do.
One way to distinguish them from decent HP and Pirate boards
is the precentage of LD - long distance - users. HP and
Pirate boards will have more than 50% LD users. Sublamer
boards are populated almost entirely by local callers. Many
of the users have met and know each other personally. They
even get together for social events organized through the
BBS, meet at the mall, or go to the movies.
Another thing about these boards is that most of them are
warez wanna-bes. They generally have copyrighted stuff
online and always try to get new warez. Most of them have
'security,' which translates into not letting you have
access to the 'elite' shit unless they 'know yer cool.' This
means they call you voice (rare) or you sound cool to them
in your application for access. They want to make sure
'you're not a Fed or anything, dude,' because they seem to
think that the average federal agent has nothing better to
do than go after fourteen-year-olds trading copyrighted
games. Man, do they live dangerously.
As for the message subs (subjects), the content of the
conversation will obviously be geared to what they devote
thier time to, such as who won the ballgame last night, how
far they've gotton with their (usually fictitious) girl
friends, who can kick whose ass, and bif Madonna's tits are.
But there is a characteristic unique to the sublame boards,
and that is warring.
Warring is, ofcourse, the arguments and insults exchanged
between users on a board. Sysops on most underground boards
will tolerate varying amounts of this and will penalize or
kick users off if it gets out of hand. However, in the
realm of sublameness, warring is encouraged. Many have a
WAR Sub, which is a message sub board which exists
exclusively for users to insult each other (and their
mothers). To give you a little insight into the psyche of
the average sublamer, let me tell you that on many boards
the WAR sub gets as many messages as all the other message
bases put together.
This scene is mildly amusing nonetheless. And they do
have a few ties to the real computer underground. Every now
and then you will see one of them on a supposedly elite
board. The geek in question either slipped through security
due to a careless sysop or managed to get access to a warez
board because his parents bought him a 12-million-baud
modem. These few people are usually the ones who get the
'Elite Warez,' which are uploaded to all the local boards.
THE WRITER SPEAKS SERIOUSLY:
You know, a few years ago I could not change directory in
dos. I knew nothing about computers, nor phones, nor did I
have a clue about the workings of our high-tech society.
Then I got a computer, and along with it - a modem. That
modem was the door to a universe of pure infomation, a
frontier just waiting to be explored.
A hacker is a pioneer, traversing packet-switched
networks, bridges, outdials and trunks all over the physical
world. The hacker explores and maps out this virtual
universe for hirself and hir peers, so that they may reap
the knowledge that is there in unspeakable abundence. Every
underground board is an outpost, a spot where the pioneers
can rest, exchange infomation, form groups and hear the
current news.
This is how we learn. The traditional concepts of
learning and teaching are rapidly becoming irrelevent in
this society. All the years of school with all the bullshit
of my brainwashed peers and ignorant 'teachers' - we all
know what a farce this has become. Especially in a country
that is continually whittling away the meager budget for
education so it can have more bombs for murder, more
satellites and agencies for spying on its own people. This
is a new school: a learning environment where everyone can
work at hir own pace, and no one is 'graded' by biased or
unfair 'teachers.' This is a place where people exist
without skin color, creed or physical disabilities; where
you are judged on one thing alone: your mind.
Next time you see in the news that some fifteen-year-old
kid had his door kicked in and his family held at gunpoint
while the Secret Service took away his computers and other
possessions, which will never be returned, remember this
article. Think about Steve Jackson Games. Think about a
hole generation of young people confused by this fucked-up
world, who just want to learn, just want to understand how
things work, what makes things tick. Think about all that,
and then you decide who the criminals are.
End.
GREETS AND STUFF BY R-CADE
Here are the personal greetings from r-Cade:
AEE, Babooshka and The Cat People, Elvis, Esko, 65an,
Zeus (found any new kind of seeds lately?)
All Doodles / Sh0ck members worldwide!
Blackbird - keep on sending those great fantasy-book-lists
+ everybody else who thinks that their names should have
been listed here...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Q: What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common ?
A: They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
GREETINGS / MESSAGES FROM D-ZIRE
------------------------------------------------------------
GReeTiNGS! iN No SPECiAL oRDER!
------------------------------------------------------------
r-Cade, Ice!, Powerslave!, Jac, Chig, Darwin, Butch, Deetroy
Blizzard, F.n.M, Case, Filippetto, Super Grover, Natas, Aqua
U-Man, Excalibur, Slash, Thug, Jonez, Rioter, D-Luxe, Loxley
Budweiser, Sleepwalker, Some1 & Prime, Colorbird, Lizardking
Tony, Borre, K-12, Vital, Dolphin (Qwik&Dirty), Crayone, Axy
Cybergod, Gin, Snuskis, Iridon, Kissblasan, Ray-Ban, Blaizer
Animal!, Chevron, Devilstar, Dux, Virus, Joker, The Silencer
Marillion, Spirou & Cuddley, Stain, Jason, Roach, Rob, Ozone
Cappuccino, 13th Angel, Zcandaler, Sate, Trixy Dixy, Dr.Doom
Kingpin, SRL, Norad, Core, Delusion, Mano, Elvis, Silent Run
Casca Longinus, Bladerunner, Blackbird, Nightwind, Diogenes
Lawnmowerman, Don Martin, Garfield!, Fornic8r, Tequila, Nero
Cee-Dee, HitMan, D-Siya, C/\teye, Probe, Slim, Pete, Dracula
Double, Sy-Klone, Esko, MFM, Rabzi, Disc, Shark, Rubber, Laf
Pearl, Karma, Godhead, Terminator, Static, Foxx, Lynxx, Stef
Randy, Benz... and ofcoz to *ALL* I forgot!
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Here's some special messages to some friends and people:
------------------------------------------------------------
KINGPIN/SPACEBALLS
So give me the direction and I'll come over...oki?
PEARL
I've lost you're add when I moved... PLEASE SEND IT AGAIN!
THE SILENCER/DOODLES^SHOCK
1.5k? or 2.5k?
R-CADE/DOODLES^SHOCK
Twin peaks... where and when?
DOLPHIN/NOXIOUS
Send me the chiptunes... NOW!
RAY-BAN/THE SILENTS (DI)
Week 28 oki?
ANINAL/THE SILENTS (DI)
So... what's up in TSL nowadays?
BLAIZER/THE SILENTS (DI)
Still alive or?
LIZARDKING/RAZOR 1911
What's up dude? Released your CD yet?!! Call me! I've
moved again!
SPIROU & CUDDLEY & RUBBER
Sug row rules!!!!
GREETINGS FROM LOXLEY
Greetings from LoXLeY / EQX!
----------------------------
Greets to : d-Zire & Silencer/TDS, Probe/VD/FLT,
Excalibur/Complex, Rob & Prof Da Right/Classic,
Rioter & Cannabis/EQX, TBB & Azazel/Medicine,
Nero/Scandal, DiSC, Norad/Unicorn, Rohan, Renko,
Mike/DD, Drakir/Noice, Ramosa/Oblivion,
Candyman/Sardonyx, Mazy/Noice, Zendor/Legend,
SRL, Manta, Pac/Classic, Blazer/?, Pohlman,
C.Hamilton, Angeldust, Davey/JetSet & all
EQUiNOX members worldwide...
Messages! : d-Zire/TDS - Was the tune too short or ?
Hope you liked it!
Excalibur/Complex - Looking forward to see your
G--E...
Probe/VD/FLT - How about sending back my
CD ?!!
Azazel/Medicine - Sorry for the delay, I'm
graduating this year so,
please hold on...
Ramosa/Oblivion - Thanx for sending me, read
the message above!
Candyman/Sardonyx - Same to you...!
Rioter & Cannabis - Vibrators rule the nation,
ehh ?!
Watch out for Equinox musicdisk which will be released in
the near future.. The music will be composed by me...
(Love it already????!)...
The EROTIC demo is also under development, stick around for
that one too!
-LoXLEY
LAST WORDS FROM KURT COBAIN
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the
warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's
my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved
with independence and the embracement of your community has
been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement
of listening to, as well as creating music, along with
really writing something for too many years now. I feel
guilty beyond words about these things, for example when
we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of
the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it
did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the
love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I
totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any
of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst
crime I can think of would be to pull people off by faking
it, pretending as if I'm having one hundred percent fun.
Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time
clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me,
I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I,
and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I
must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things
when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be
slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm. But,
what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had
a much better appreciation of all the people I've known
personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get
out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for
everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love
people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking
sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus
man. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful. But
since the age of 7, I've become hateful towards all humans
in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get
along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and
feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of
my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern
during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody
person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember,
it's 'Better to Burn out, than fade away.' Peace, love,
empathy, Kurt Cobain. April 5th, 1994
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